A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All
Nothing says Happy Valentine’s Day like a cute little heart-themed Wal*Mart tin filled with Vajazzled Valentine Vulva Candies. This is my own special twist on the classic candy vulvas I brought to my Church Christmas Pot Luck dinner a few years ago, proving that “Yes, Vagina, there is a Santa Claus.”
Made with waffle shaped pretzels, Rolo candies, and pecans, they are the perfect combo of salty and sweet. And they are as much fun to make as they are to eat. Especially when you get creative with the vajazzle supplies and effects.
My favorite look was the “inflamed pustule” achieved with a lone Red Hot placed to the side of each pecan.
Ouch! That makes me want a sitz bath just looking at it! Fortunately, it tastes better than it looks.
But for my more mature friends (in terms of chronological age… not behavior), “The Silver Fox” style is sure to please. Who doesn’t love coconut? Especially when it is used to simulate aging lady parts. I said SIMULATE, not stimulate.
And then there’s the Jennifer Love Hewitt Collection, because nothing says “look at my hoo-hoo” like some sparkly bling and a bit of pink frosting.
I mean, are these adorable or what? Here’s how you and the kids can make your own tray of Vajazzled Valentine Vulvas to take to Grandma’s house tonight:
1.) Set oven at 250° F
2.) Lay out waffle shaped pretzels on cookie sheet.
3.) Top each one with a Rolo candy.
4.) Bake for 3 minutes.
5.) Top each with a pecan and smoosh it down.
6.) Vajazzle (if desired).
Cool completely before serving or packaging. Speaking of which, Nora and Jim, check your mailbox. Happy VD everyone!
Now candy coated with sparkles and Red Hots, your friend,
© Copyright 2011, The Bearded Iris.