The Bearded Iris

A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Vajazzled Valentine Vulva Candies

Nothing says Happy Valentine’s Day like a cute little heart-themed Wal*Mart tin filled with Vajazzled Valentine Vulva Candies. This is my own special twist on the classic candy vulvas I brought to my Church Christmas Pot Luck dinner a few years ago, proving that “Yes, Vagina, there is a Santa Claus.”


Iris's Famous Vagazzled Valentine Vulva Candies
“To: Nora & Jim, Happy VD! Love, Iris.”

Made with waffle shaped pretzels, Rolo candies, and pecans, they are the perfect combo of salty and sweet. And they are as much fun to make as they are to eat. Especially when you get creative with the vajazzle supplies and effects.


Vajazzle variety is the key to fun with these tasty VD treats.

My favorite look was the “inflamed pustule” achieved with a lone Red Hot placed to the side of each pecan.


The “inflamed pustule” look. Salty, sweet, and hot!

Ouch! That makes me want a sitz bath just looking at it! Fortunately, it tastes better than it looks.

But for my more mature friends (in terms of chronological age… not behavior), “The Silver Fox” style is sure to please. Who doesn’t love coconut? Especially when it is used to simulate aging lady parts. I said SIMULATE, not stimulate.


Silver Fox Vulva Candies, for the Young at Heart.

And then there’s the Jennifer Love Hewitt Collection, because nothing says “look at my hoo-hoo” like some sparkly bling and a bit of pink frosting.


The Jennifer Love Hewitt Collection of Vajazzled Vulva Candies

I mean, are these adorable or what? Here’s how you and the kids can make your own tray of Vajazzled Valentine Vulvas to take to Grandma’s house tonight:

1.) Set oven at 250° F

2.) Lay out waffle shaped pretzels on cookie sheet.

3.) Top each one with a Rolo candy.

4.) Bake for 3 minutes.

5.) Top each with a pecan and smoosh it down.

6.) Vajazzle (if desired).

Cool completely before serving or packaging. Speaking of which, Nora and Jim, check your mailbox. Happy VD everyone!

Now candy coated with sparkles and Red Hots, your friend,


© Copyright 2011, The Bearded Iris.

8 comments on “Vajazzled Valentine Vulva Candies

  1. LifeLessons
    February 14, 2011

    We LOVE the Iris-created Va Jay Jay candies she left on our doorstep today! We especially appreciate the special menopausal version with the coconut flakes (think about it, people).

  2. Mama Donn
    February 14, 2011

    I feel slighted!
    I want my own VJ stuff, so I guess I’ll have to make it for us this week and surprise the queen!


  3. aunt b
    February 14, 2011

    oh, my gosh..i make these all the time, and never once did i consider what they looked like!

  4. KC
    February 15, 2011

    Nothing says VD like a vulva candy with a pustule on it. As some people say here in Australia, “noice”!

  5. Martha (MM)
    February 16, 2011

    Since I thought these were the best Valentine treats I’ve ever seen I reopened the Valentines party for just a couple minutes and added your link 🙂

    • The Bearded Iris
      February 16, 2011

      OH MARTHA! Will you be my Valentine?!!! Hmmm, I wonder what I can come up with for St. Patrick’s Day… Leprechaun Balls?

  6. laura lee
    February 18, 2011

    inflamed pustule. now that was funny. and painful to imagine. but funny!

  7. Pingback: Guac it to me. | The Bearded Iris

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